What is the point of blowing leaves?

(this one comes from my Mum – irritation runs in the family)

Ooh, look, leaves! How pretty, they’re all falling and stuff with the orange, and the twirly, and the little bits of dew on them! And oh look, a prick with a leaf-blower. Why we, as a culture, find the noisy and pointless moving about of harmless discs of nature, not only a necessary, but an admirable, employable thing to do with our time, frankly shows us to be no more civilised than clogs.

Firstly, leaf-blowing sucks itself; its loud, which creates noise pollution, and wastes our precious, precious energy reserves – while we struggle to power our ever-growing society, we still find a need to divert our finite and expensive resources into this pile of crap we call a job.

I said in an earlier blog that I hate loudness, especially such pointless loudness – pushing leaves about is a daft thing to be doing, and so why must it take so long and be so loud in the process? It just annoys people, and prompts middle-class snobs to write unnecessarily angry blog posts about it, venting their shallow and meaningless frustration to an audience of four people, which doesn’t matter because that ‘blogger’ is “doing it all for the love of writing, man!”. What kind of prick would do that?

Also, it’s pointless – the leaves will blow back onto the pavements for Christ’s sake! This blowing only works because the leaves are able to be blown about by wind, and so if they are going to be blown about by people, they are just as likely to be blown around by natural winds. Furthermore, in our cities, the construction of roads forces the wind to blow down them, as the buildings on either side of the street block and divert winds, meaning that there’s a lot of wind being forced down our streets, sweeping the leaves from the gutter back onto th e pavement. And this is why I do A2 Geography!

Some say that it’s a good job in these economically tough times, but I would argue it actively makes the economy worse; instead of making people wander up and down streets, pissing people off, to earn minimum wage, just give them minimum wage and let them stay at home, unemployed; worst-case scenario, they’ll watch Battlestar Galactica; best-case scenario, they’ll go out and get a real job, with real pay, that actually helps our society.

Leaf-blowing is annoying, futile and creates a false sense of security, three things that should really be left to car airbags. However, we feel the need to make this a job – you could either be an artist and express social and political struggles, or push leaves about for a living. I don’t want to live in a society like this, but life is all about putting up with idiocy until you can change it, or get bored and piss off to live in the country, so until either of those things happens, I’m gonna sit here and moan about leaf-blowers.

Society, yo.


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