Awesome Nonwords

(‘nonword’ is the first of such nonwords)

I’ve said before that language sucks, in that it divides people from the world around them, but today I’m gonna talk about the other way in which language is a failed system: words that should really be words that are not words, or ‘nonwords’, if you will. Language is a human construct, and is therefore totally illogical and annoying, so let’s abuse the glaring flaws in our communicative system, and start using these nonwords in casual conversation!

1) Trinatrical

As in ‘referring to the trinity’. I found this massive hole in our lexical development while doing research for my controlled assessment on the Celts (4,000 words of research I lost yesterday as my UBS got corrupted, forcing me to start my research all over again a week before the write-up), where I wanted to take about the impacts of the Celtic trinity of gods (Esus, Taranis and Teutates, for anyone interested).

I tried to write things like ‘the trinatrical system of beliefs in Gaulish societies’, but suffered the red squiggly line of doom, as is the case now as WordPress freaks the balls out over my constant use of nonwords. I feel this is a succinctand eloquent way of discussing things that come in threes, and the impacts and effects of these three-pronged things, and so I shall now be using trinatrical as part of my idiolect.

2) Spork


3) Bed-bye and Bath-bye

These are compound word, that express a farewell alongside the place you will be going to after your farewell; we have a bath in my house, and so if someone needs to use the bathroom’, they’ll be in it for half an hour. As a result, it has become incredibly important to announce your bathing habits to one’s family, so they can plan their own, short-term, bathroom-requiring actions around it. Basically, it gives people a chance to go for a piss before your bath.

Meanwhile ‘bed-bye’ is simply a synonym for ‘goodnight’ that I hate to a lesser extent; don’t tell me to have a ‘good night’, it suggests that I’ll be tormented by my own inner demons and crippling identity crises, manifested as clawed beasts, sadistic children, or just the growing realisation of the depressing pointlessness of human existence in this Godless universe. That, and I don’t like you telling me what to do, I’ll end up trying to have a terrible night now, just to spite you.

4) Daungerous

Cheated a bit here, as this is a word from Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales, so it would appear to be one of those great terms that was once a word, but sadly now has been relegated to the ranks of Nonwordism.

Oh, it also means ‘grudging’, ‘reluctant’, or ‘difficult to please’. Take that logical lexical links between words!

These nonwords can only exist, however, due to the flexibility of language; I said earlier that the human lack of logic allowed for our language to develop as oddly as it did, and our desire for self-expression led me to write this post – I wanna say trinatrical, and I won’t let some loser with a dictionary and an empty phonebook stop me.


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