Geographical Pickup Lines!

(clearly the most useful of subjects to do at A-level)

– Am I happy to see you, or is the air immediately around my penis less dense than the air around it, causing it to rise above the surrounding air and expand?

– Hey, are you a glacial feature, because I’m gonna erode the sides of your V-shaped valley into a U-shaped valley.

– I’m gonna screw you like the East Devon bus service: slowly and depressingly irregularly.

– Hey, are you a river that’s prone to flooding, because you’ll get some hard engineering tonight.

– Are you a bicycle, because you don’t need to pay the congestion charge to enter my heart.

– Lets make like indigenous Amazon tribes in the first stage of the Demographic Transition Model and have an insanely high birth rate.

– Are you a South American region experiencing the El Nino climatic phenomenon, or are you always this hot?

– Hey, are you a twenty first-century urban area in need of reurbanisation, because I’m gonna in-fill you.

– Am I the Yangtze River Dolphin, and are you the Three Gorges Dam, because I’ll die out for your sake.

– My love for you is like Dharavi: it’s borderline illegal and it just won’t go away.

– Are you a young Polish worker, because you just immigrated into my heart.

– I’m gonna be just like an Oxbow Lake in its later stages and erode right through you.

– You don’t need a multi-million pound investment into regional retail to convince me to spend all my time in your arms.

– Your eyes are a more beautiful sight than a highlighted GeoFile.

– Is this Heaven, or just heavy cloud cover caused by an incoming cold front?

– I think we should settle down and take things slower. Like terracettes.

– Can I be your highlighter to your A3 sheet?

– Your hugs are warmer than the surfaces in an urban area with an increased sky-view factor.

– Hey, I’ll give you a great example of physical geography.

– You don’t need hundreds of case study examples to convince me of your feelings.

The following jokes were thought of at six o’clock on a Sunday night, after spending four hours writing a 3,500-word guide to Sylvia Plath’s Ariel. I take no responsibility for the awfulness or incredible unrelatability of these jokes.


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