I’m Happy Christmas Decorations Are Dying Out

(and thus begins what will presumably be a long stream of anti-Christmas posts on this blog. ‘Tis the season, you bastards)

I like internal Christmas decorations; putting up a tree is not only symbolic of the coming gift-getting and exam-prepping weeks that fill my Christmas and new year, but it’s a family activity, that is one of few reminders of the, often forgotten, altruistic meaning of Christmas, that it is a time for togetherness and collective enjoyment.

External decorations, however, are awful; look at this poor house, it looks like a fridge on LSD, and the houses around it are left totally, and rightly, plain. The house probably gets bullied by the others when we’re not looking for God’s sake. Ultimately, these decorations are expensive and showy, meaning that in decorating the outside of your house, you’re throwing money at people by ramming your perverse love of neon lights down their throats.

The idea of them being expensive is simple – look at these Google Shopping results – and is especially relevant in our crappy economy, and the general feeling of unnecessary expenditure that comes with Christmas.

You could validly argue that we waste money on garbage we don’t need at Christmas anyway, so what’s the problem in decorating the outside of a house? To which I would answer, just because it’s the season for something, it’s not necessarily a good thing. Dying from the bubonic plague was really popular in the 14th Century – about a third of Europe did it – but that really wasn’t a good thing.

It’s the external extravagance of these decorations that annoys me, however, as they force your opinions of Christmas and the correct means of celebrating them onto me; you can cover the inside of your house with neon lights and satanic, waving father Christmases for all I care, but you stick them on your roof, and then they’ll piss me off.

There is an element of NIMBYism here, in that I’m only annoyed by things that I’m in direct contact with, but instead of selfishly encouraging you to do stuff as long as I can’t see it, I just want everybody to stop these external decorations.

I’m not trying to undermine the extravagance or celebrations we associate with Christmas, but I am trying to undermine the inclusion of people in these celebrations that don’t want to be involved in them; it’s bad enough non-Christians are bombarded with vague references to the birth of Christ in absolutely every advert ever, or that people who don’t like Coke are meant to feel excluded from the Christmas cheer because Santa doesn’t believe in them, but now every remaining pleb is supposed to be blinded by your demonstration of just how much you love your kids more than everyone else because you can afford crappy plastic reindeer for your roof? It’s enough to make me consider moving to Israel.

Please, enjoy Christmas however you want to, either as a religious festival, an excuse to wear awful jumpers, or just to get a few weeks of school. But please, for the love of God, don’t do it in such a superficially showy way that makes the rest of us feel depressed, or just blind.

Festive Links:

Festive decorations!

Festive money-spending!

Festive heart disease!

Festive bastardisations of the Ghost of Christmas Past!

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