File Dividers Are Frakking Useful

(‘Frakking’ isn’t technically swearing, so my streak of ‘clean’ titles continues!)

You’re just jealous because you don’t have any, as you take the accurate, but saddening, opinion that file dividers, the little bits of hole-punched card we place in folders to separate documents by topic, are unnecessary but useful; and who really has time for things that aren’t totally necessary these days?

Having spent seven years scraping through school with Geography folders that lack file dividers, I too was unaware of their brilliance until earlier this year, when I had a folder check with the Head of Geography, an event whose importance I massively overestimated, as the ‘assessment’ boiled down to said teacher flicking through the folder for eight seconds, before declaring it ‘not bad’ and moving on to get on with their life, and I placed file dividers into my folder.

In the weeks after this check, I saw the awesomeness of file dividers, and feel that they have become my heroin: not everyone uses it, but once they do, they’ll sooner die than stop it. The similes of Battlestar Galactica, Football Manager or sex would all have worked in place of ‘heroin’, perhaps showing the universality of file dividers: they will improve your life, regardless of who you are or what you’re into.

They will improve your life obviously through their convenience: it will be easier to reach individual topics much faster than before, and it will require less energy to do, as you will have to madly flick through fewer bits of paper. Furthermore, they will provide a mental division between topics that are fundamentally separate, as you will get in the habit of looking in place x for work y, as opposed to looking for that piece of work in the whole, vague, folder.

Also, this makes it much easier for others to look through your folder: you might know that the homework sheet is there, but the illogicality of a divider-less file means you mate can’t copy said homework at break because they can’t find it. This also helps if, like I was, your file is being assessed for correctness of notes and competency of organisation by someone of importance

File dividers could even be said to be awesome, as they’re pretty damn colourful. And coloured paper is sexy.

They add a brightness to an otherwise monotonous folder, of clear plastic wallets around white pieces of paper, covering in black writing, and held together with grey rings; even if the outside of the cardboard back is coloured, the inside is still a grey-brown mess that’s slightly too dark to doodle on when you’re bored.

The monotony of foldering is further reduced by the fact that dividers have little sticky-out tabs that are, to be honest, quite full to pull about and see hundreds of bits of paper move between them without you having to touch them. Lay the folder flat and opened halfway on a desk and pull each half of paper away from the other using carefully-placed file dividers, and you’re recreated Moses parting the Red Sea; file dividers are perhaps the only piece of stationery that allow you to recreate religious images.

And I’m not saying that ‘God Loves File Dividers’, Westboro Baptist Church-style, but it’s worth noting that since we invented file dividers within the last two centuries or so, there has been a substantial fall in the number of miracles and other events that are undeniably the work of God: the last was the flooding we had in the last few weeks.

Hell, you could even throw in an economic argument, saying that file dividers support the constantly-diminishing stationery industry in a world in which more and more work is now saved, filed and distributed on computers, rather than on paper. Essentially, file dividers are useful, bordering on awesome, and you’d be silly to ignore them.


UKIP claim gay people cause rain!


6 thoughts on “File Dividers Are Frakking Useful

    1. I was thinking about that, but I then realised that about half my posts were about office supplies – I think we can expect I’ll talk about stationery every day unless I explicitly state otherwise.

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