I Haz A Spot On My Nose

(I call it ‘Melvin’)

Following my recent viewing of this particularly amusing example of military oversights with regard to personal comfort, I have been increasingly interested in the skin-blob in the middle of my face that supposedly detects smell, contributes to the enjoyment of food and ensures I don’t look like an anime character. As part of my recent studies, I have discovered a spot on the bridge of my nose.

I must have had this for weeks, as it is both rather red, and coloured with a gradient, suggesting it has not recently sprouted there, but that it has been receiving blood form my bloodstream for a while now. It is also smaller than other spots I’ve had on my teenage-ravaged face, suggesting that this spot is, in fact, growing smaller; it would appear that I’ve missed the majority of this spot’s life cycle altogether.

I’m not sure why I’ve missed this particular face invader; I stare gloomily at myself in the mirror every morning, not out of narcissism or a desire to do my hair, but to contemplate the fact that my back of flesh and hollow, dirt-coloured eyes are capable of such incredible thought and expression that even the most sophisticated machines cannot imitate outside of Tim Cook’s wet dreams, so you’d think I’d pick up on something like this.

Perhaps my relatively similar face over the last few years has caused this; I no longer ‘see’ the characteristics of my face when I stare at it, as I have a fairly formed opinion of what it looks like, and so I slip, almost out of necessity and boredom, into deeper ponderings about the fact that I can think about things, which is a fairly incredibly ability when you consider it.

The only real change my face has undergone in the last few years is the occasional appearance of ‘patchy neck pubes’ to my friends or ‘a glorious man-beard’ to me, which is often removed entirely, in line with my school’s facial hair policy.

Maybe we all think about things too much these days, to the extent that we ignore the bleeding obvious, and not in the relatively superficial sense that answering maths questions is often much simpler and easier than you first think, but in a broader sense: we, as a species, built stuff, and invented stuff, and have and continue to discuss stuff; forget trying to balance a budget to afford a regular supply of unhealthy ready meals, we built a society in which ready meals are even a thing!

And a lot of Western culture has been buggered by this; the First World Problems meme is funny, but it comes from a genuine ignorance of simple, day-to-day problems that millions of people suffer from, in favour of more ‘intelligent’ discussion about the ways in which the Wife of Bath is or isn’t a feminist icon.

I’m not going to preach about charity and stuff now; countless people have tried it in a more meaningful, relevant and appropriately-distributed way. But I will say that our ‘developed’ society has led to an overwhelming ignorance on the part of all of us in it, either with regards to real-world problems of poverty, or real-world observations of spots on noses.


Battlestar Galactica gag reel – season three


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