(do the Toothfairy and Sandman only work in America or something, because I’ve never seen them – you’d think they’d have an International branch by this point)
Having previously realised that approximately fifty percent of teenage life consists of wearing black t-shirts with logos and slogans, I am quickly realising that the other fifty percent is based around pointless acts of hormonal rebellion against ‘da man’, an incredibly vague symbol of authority that appears to manifest itself in anyone that can grow a beard convincing enough to be described as anything more than ‘patchy neck pubes’.
With this in mind, I have found a new reason for my apparently ‘early’ daily bed-time of nine pm; it does not just allow me to function as a normal, functional person in the following morning, but it lets me take part in this rebellion, as my family members regularly express thoughts of confusion about my bed-going, and weirdness at me for doing it. They’re hardly encouraging me to play Football Manager until four in the morning, but it does feel good to know that I’m doing a thing that people aren’t wholly supportive of.
Often, ‘the youth’ assume that adult values are only beneficial for those adults who defend them, while the values of ‘young people’ are appropriate and acceptable for those teenagers; adults want us to go to bed early so they can get some peace, while we want to stay up because we’re young, healthy and stupid.
However, there is no underlying ‘right-ness’ to any of the values we hold, or we impose on others; if I want to stay up until four in the morning, not only is it not ‘right’ for me, as I’ll be sleep-deprived come the morning, but it would be similarly ‘not right’ for anyone else who stays up so late, as they’d be similarly exhausted. Equally, there is nothing ‘wrong’ about these values – notice I said ‘not right’ instead of ‘wrong’ – because we can’t really judge what would be the best thing to do at any given time on a practical level, and no force in the universe can ever judge our actions on a moral level.
And so, my silly early nights are neither right nor wrong, either on an individual scale for myself, or a wider scale for the rest of my family. And this I like absence of objective judgement; I don’t feel empty for not having this conclusion given to me, I find it liberating to have the freedom to decide this for myself. This decision on right-ness will be inevitably incorrect, but I’m too selfish to care; if there’s no way to ever judge a thing, why should I care about the outcome? I’m just going to enjoy the freedom of choice.
On a much more practical level, I go to bed early because there’s nothing else I would do at that point; is watching the same old Charlie McDonnell videos on YouTube, or having a dead-end Facebook conversation with a culturally-oblivious moron I’ve foolishly added on the damn site after one meeting really worth the zombiesque feelings of fatigue and irritation I’ll have next morning? This may be an over rationalisation of my life, and I should probably just sit back and enjoy these random encounters and bits of relaxation, but I’m too focused for that – I want to make my life as good as it can be now, and in the future, even if it’s just tomorrow.
And, apparently, even if it’s in ways as meaningless as going to bed early.