Horrific History Jokes!

(I don’t always make crappy jokes, but when I do I share them with the Internet!)

1) Who’s the wife of Noah? Joan of Arc.

2) Hitler wasn’t very good at the whole ‘war’ thing; he should have stuck to Kampfing.

3) You know what they said when Octavian named the month of August after himself? ‘I Caesar what you did there.’

4) Which empire is the most references in The Simpsons? The Otto-man Empire.

5) How would Woodrow Wilson show you where Wally is in fourteen Where’s Wally pages? With fourteen points.

6) What was D-Day called for the French soldiers? ‘The Day’.

7) You know what they say about the CIA-backed invasion to overthrow Castro in 1962? They made a pig’s ear of it.

8) How did the Russian Revolution get started? ‘On your Marx, set, go!’

9) The Confederate States really shouldn’t have kept to slavery; it all went South from there.

10) You know what started the Tudor dynasty? When the House of Lancaster Rose up at the battle of Bosworth field.

11) Tutankhamun became king when he was just nine? Pharaoh-nuff.

12) Gavrilo Princip was only nineteen when he assassinated Archduke Franz Ferdinand; you’ve gotta hand it to him, he did well.

13) Were you in London around Summer 2011? I heard it was a riot.

14) Which Egyptian Queen do you always find on route one? Cleopatrat.

15) How did the American Civil Rights Movement get going? When Rosa parked herself on that bus.


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