Being Low Sucks

(the frequency of posts with ‘sucks’ in the title makes this blog seem like a vacuum cleaner review site)

For the uneducated (to whom ‘diabetes’ means only ‘diabetes’), ‘being low’ refers to the problem of having a low blood sugar level, i.e. there is too little sugar in my bloodstream. As a diabetic, I cannot manage the level of sugar in my blood naturally, and must do so artificially through insulin injections and occasional face-stuffing sessions, an inherently inaccurate process. Therefore, I often slip into ‘hypers’, where I have too much sugar and am imperceptibly more energetic, and ‘hypos’, where I have too little sugar and am debilitating sluggish and slow-witted.

And I’m trying to write a blog post using words like ‘imperceptible’ while being low. Nice one, me.

Aside from obvious practical problems with being low, such as the inability to play football or complete timed essays (which can be a real bitch in exams), the main problem is that I dismiss everything as being diabetes-related – this post itself is one of few about my condition – even though, like sexuality, race, gender and social status, I feel I am in no way defined by these pre-existing circumstances.

For instance, there are a number of biological indicators, that are specific to me, for having a low blood sugar, such as a heavy-leggedness that is slightly different to normal lethargy, and an itchy torso that was briefly a meme among a few of my three two years ago. However, I was rationalising that stranger factors, such as a shakiness of the lower lip, were indicative of being low, despite having no past experience with such symptoms.

It would appear that I like to find reasons and explanations for things, even if I am unable to do so – as those symptoms I mentioned have no rational physical explanation – or if my finding of reasons itself is flawed.

This is further complicated by the nature of being low; it makes rational thought harder, such as my ten-minute attempt to work out the date this morning, and reasoning that today is the 9th, when it is actually the 14th, and so the very factors I associate with low-ness might not even be linked to low-ness, and it is the low-ness itself that is responsible for this confusion.

A lack of concentration is also annoying, as I’ve just spent about fifteen minutes researching the rather dull post of Poet Laureate of the United Kingdom on Wikipedia for no particular reason, simply because I got tired writing this post and my mouse flickered to the universal source of distractions, the Internet, in the bottom corner of my screen; even if the Internet is filtered, you can still lose yourself in the Wikipedia Game.

This distraction got a little nuts in my most recent lesson, as I became convinced that the combination between skin and ink on the back of my hand smelled somewhere between a baby and battery acid, and spent half the lesson trying to precise this aroma further, and the other half shoving it under the noses of my friends and asking for their opinion. It was quite amusing, really.

But, I have finished this post now (he said, incorrectly, as the post is still continuing), despite still not feeling great; I guess the ability to churn out nonsense on the Internet is in no way inhibited by one’s capacity for concentration or coherent thought.

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