I’m A Cup Capitalist

(that’s clearly part of the uniform of the Capitalists)

I would consider myself rather ‘left’ on the political spectrum, not least because my reaction to learning some of the details of the collapse of the Soviet Union was basically ‘We should give it another go!’ But in one, particularly important, aspect, I am a Capitalist: I take things to maximise my own output, ignoring the needs of others; I differentiate things based on performance alone, rather than judging all things as equal; and nothing I own is ominously titled ‘The Peoples’. Obviously, I am referring to my cup collection.

While I’m not a total bourgeoise, as I only have two cups, I feel my usage of such vessels fits in quite nicely with Capitalist ideals. Firstly, the focus on myself: I use cups that I don’t need to be using, preventing others from using them, purely for my own gain. Perhaps my logic is that there are many cups in the house, that others may use if they want a drink, and so me hoarding a few cups of water on my desk every now and then isn’t too bad. However, this would be the response of a Capitalist; I don’t need these cups – the argument that the easy availability of water promotes high productivity is a lie – and the humorous nature of this one means that I am depriving a Comrade of the ability to drink from a pug-themed vessel, because that vessel is sitting uselessly on my desk.

It seems that I am putting my own comfort ahead of potential needs of my house-Comrades, and I feel this really ought to stop.

Furthermore, my cup usage is entirely meritocratic, to the extent that I encourage liberty with my cups: I give each a fair chance to be drunk out of, and then reward the best by continuing to drink out of them – I was initially wary about using the Pug Mug, but I have grown accustomed to its odd shape, and quite enjoy its surprisingly large capacity.

Sadly, there is a potential failing of Cup Capitalism here, in that the cups themselves are not encouraged to provide me with a better service, as entrepreneurs are in Economic Capitalism, because the cups are not sentient; they cannot understand what I want from them, and do not possess the means to make changes to themselves. Perhaps in the world of cups, socialism truly is the greater system.

And I don’t call my cups ‘The People’s Republic Of Providing Appropriate Liquid On Request’, which may be more of a failing on my part than the cups’.


11 thoughts on “I’m A Cup Capitalist

  1. Kid, I’m going to give you some life changing advice. You won’t think about it, you won’t consider what I’m telling you, and you’ll continue your life being the tool who tries to be edgy. But I’m a good guy, so I’m going to give you this advice anyway:

    You aren’t as smart as you think you are. That “Cup Capitalism” analogy must’ve sounded great in your head. I’m sure you’re still patting yourself on the back over it. But it doesn’t work.

    You were trying too hard to be funny at times, made no sense for a large part of this, and were WAY too abstract during certain points. People can’t read your mind. You’re not in school right now, nobody cares about how good you are at being abstract, I know you think you’re very deep, but you’re not. No teacher is going to grade this, or praise you for your talent for making analogies.

    Nobody cares about you in the real world. They’ll read what you’ve got to say if the title interests them, and if you can make good analogies and have good a well developed sense of humor, well that’s just an added benefit. People don’t look at your work and think to themselves “wow, this guy is clever!”

    I’m going to do you another HUGE favor.


    Learn some basic economics kid. This channel is good. Milton Friedman was a brilliant economist. Maybe you can learn something from him. He debunks socialist as if he’s arguing with a child. The capitalist is light years ahead of the socialist. It’s just a matter of maturity.

    I give you permission to retort with some witty comment about how I’m just not smart enough to appreciate socialism, or the only reason your analogies made little sense to me is because I’m stupid.

    But you should learn about economics instead of trying to be an edgy, rebellious teenager who goes for shock value > reason when arguing with adults. You don’t want to stay this simple minded forever.

    1. I know I don’t want to be this simple-minded forever, that’s why I’m taking advantage of the excuse of being a world-ignorant shock value-misusing WordPress Reader-polluter, who thinks he’s halfway intelligent because he was honestly ‘this’ close to getting into a pretty good Uni.

      I know I understand bugger all about economics, and I don’t want to change that – I’m exploiting my ignorance to write about mugs for God’s sake. Also, I knew this post has nothing to do with real economic theory, is very poorly written and contributes about as much to society as my own, broader, meaningless existence, thanks.

      Everything you say is true, your argument valid, and your criticisms welcome and appreciated – otherwise I wouldn’t write on a site with commenting abilities – but you mistake me for someone who thinks they’re worth anything, or attaches any value to being given a condescending ‘well done’ from a teacher.

      I’m too stupid to appreciate socialism, and I don’t really understand the space-filling analogies I’ve got the audacity to stick under my egomaniacally-titled blog. I just wrote about some cups, because my worthless life consists of slightly more pointlessly published opinions than the average person. As a sidenote, I know socialism sucks – this is why the only socialist ‘superpower’ collapsed, and why the capitalist superpower did not.

      Seriously though, thanks for letting me vent a little bit – your comment did piss me off at first, but that’s because people should only get pissed off about things that are true. I’ve always said how much I suck, but having someone let me know about it in a meaningful sense kinda shows me the futility of trying to write stuff every day.

      I also give you permission to respond to all my other posts in which I have erroneously mentioned economic systems, and tear them apart – you appear to be the only person on the Internet to rip into something without being a massive wanker in the process.

      1. I read the first paragraph, then started glimpsing the rest of your essay, and finally just started laughing at your rage.

        I MAYBE read one full sentence after your initial paragraph.

        Man this was fun. I hope you become the greatest economist of our time. Whether or not it was because you decided to take up my advice is irrelevant, I’ll give myself a pat on the back anyway.

        Anyway man, continue being the bravest hipster you can be

      2. After reading your full post, I can say this:

        I’m disappointed that you didn’t get very mad. I deeply enjoy fucking with people.

        Also: You’re a nice guy, so I actually do wish you have a good day, and you should take pride in the fact that you’re learning about things on your own time that your peers won’t learn about until they desperately need to.

        Have a good one

        1. Thanks for giving a shit about what I had to say – I don’t really care what peoples’ opinions are, as long as they’re bothered to listen to each other.

          Hope your attempts to screw with someone go better next time.

            1. Dude, your username kinda gives you an advantage – people will probably see it and assume you’re going to be a prick to them. It’s like pissing them off without even saying anything.

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