I Like Rain

(rain fell like judgement, across my window pane)

Not only can I identify and explain the causes of rainfall with depressing accuracy, but I quite like being rained on, a very helpful preference given the fact that Britain is locked in a state of either actually raining, or being covered in strikingly grey ‘I’mma rain on you, bro’ clouds.

One reason is that I’m often hot when I go outside, regardless of the air temperature: when I’m out of the house, I’m either playing sports, or walking somewhere, both of which I do with great effort and energy, because I find goal-hanging boring, and there’s no point spending ten minutes walking to a place if you can get there in five.

As a result, some cooling rain is appreciated when I’m outside, giving the effect of throwing a bottle of water over one’s head to cool down, but being rained on gets fewer weird looks from one’s friends than drenching yourself while you’re wearing a suit.

Also, rain is amusingly irregular; dry climates are boring, because they’re always dry, but when it’s raining, you’ll never know which bit of you will get wet next, which makes my monotonous 20-minute walk home from school more interesting. You could even ring out water from specific bits of your clothes, to see which part of you got rained on the most, and then take bets from your friends about where the most rain fell and get Ray Winston to do a TV advert in which he encourages you to ‘wet in play!’ on rainfall odds that are falling faster than the raindrops themselves.

Rainy conditions also increase the number of random acts of malevolence on the street; there’s nothing more satisfying than seeing someone run for a bus, just fail to get it, and then be soaked by that bus as it pulls away from them via an ominously large puddle. It’s even more fun when the bus driver did that intentionally, which helps you remember that being an arsehole is both funny and common.

To be honest, I’m considering getting a driver’s licence just so I can soak people on rainy days, then absolve myself of blame by saying that I had to go through this road, and so had no choice other than to re-enact the TV show Total Wipeout, only with substantially fewer fat people falling off big red balls, but inexplicably funnier slapstick comedy.

On the other hand, rainy days mean I’m more likely to have to do an impressively dull Geography investigation involving collecting and measuring rainfall in buckets. Every silver lining has a cloud, I suppose.

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