TMI Tag

(or, James finally runs out of ideas and steals ones from the kinds of socially-extroverted and capital-letter abusing halfwits he supposedly despised a few weeks ago)

This stands for the Too Much Information tag, in which I rattle off answers to fifty questions, whose focus on body image and romantic history could single-handedly form the basis of an enquiry into 21st Century youth culture entitled Where Did It All Go Wrong?, and then tell all of you to answer it yourself because I’m too scared of calling out individuals to answer these questions, in case they don’t, providing evidence for the shallowness of all of my relationships and the fact that I grossly overexaggerate the regard with which other people hold me in.

To the questions!

  1. What are you wearing – The skin of my enemies.
  2. Ever been in love – Good one.
  3. Ever had a terrible breakup – Nope, apart from my now-three month absence from Football Manager. Tobias, how I miss thee!
  4. How tall are you – Tall enough for a Scrum Half, not tall enough for a Lock.
  5. How much do you weigh – Not heavy enough to be a Prop.
  6. Any tattoos – Bugger off.
  7. Any piercings – Nope.
  8. OTP (One True Pairing, a strong shipping of individuals, opposition to which is punishable by death) – Lenny from Of Mice And Men and the Girl from Weed.
  9. Favourite show – Battlestar Galactica
  10. Favourite bands – Rise Against, Polar Bear Club, My Chemical Romance, The Flobots, Courage My Love, Anavae, Icon For Hire, The Offspring, Ladytron, Kvelertak, Atreyu, Wolfmother, Powerwolf, Northland, Lordi, and Guano Apes.
  11. Something you miss – Targets; I suck as an archer.
  12. Favourite song – I refuse to answer this question as it is illogical; it should really be number eleven, considering it follows another musical one.
  13. How old are you – Old enough to be a dancing queen, and at my apparent peak of desirability.
  14. Zodiac sign – For sale.
  15. Quality you look for in a partner – Not being a badger. Sorry, but that’s just my opinion.
  16. Favourite quote – ‘How we survive is what makes us who we are’ – Tim McIlrath.
  17. Favourite actor – Me, for feigning interest in this tag.
  18. Favourite colour – Black. The blacker the better.
  19. Loud music or soft – ‘Soft’ is not the opposite of ‘loud’, ‘quiet’ is; therefore, I will dismiss your silly question by saying that lumpy music is the best, as that opposes ‘soft’.
  20. Where do you go when you’re sad – The Conservapedia. That always cheers me up.
  21. How long does it take you to shower – Not long enough for you to break into my house and rob me while I’m showering, but nice try.
  22. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning – Three minutes if I’m not having breakfast, four if I am.
  23. Ever been in a physical fight – I blog, what the Hell kind of aggressive, bareknuckle boxing past are you expecting here?
  24. Turn on – Check my iPod’s Google search history.
  25. Turn off – People who have access to my search history.
  26. The reason I joined WordPress – To motivate myself to write every day; I’m doing an English degree after all.
  27. Fears – Uncompleted targets.
  28. Last thing that made you cry – Okay, I have two types of crying: that which shows genuine emotion (the last time for this was ten years ago and I remember it vividly) and that which is totally random, and not indicative of my mental wellbeing (I ‘cry’ in this sense literally ever other day).
  29. Last time you said you loved someone – Five years ago, and it felt weird so I’ve decided to show affection through action, not forced and superficial choices of vocabulary, ever since.
  30. Meaning behind your Blogging name – It’s my real name; you want more information, go ask my parents.
  31. Last book you read – Unseen Academicals by Terry Pratchett.
  32. Book you’re currently reading – Guards! Guards!, also by Terry Pratchett.
  33. Last show you watched – Have I Got News For You, because I’m totally on top of current affairs.
  34. Last person you talked to – my sister.
  35. Relationship between you and the last person you texted – Person I owe six quid.
  36. Favourite food – Seal cub in a virgin blood reduction.
  37. Place you want to visit – Dante’s Hell, to see if I’d be placed in the first circle or the fifth circle.
  38. Last place you were – What the frak kind of question is this? Where do you draw the line between ‘last’ and ‘current’ place, given the infinity of time. Also, scales are important – I have been in my house all day, but have moved from my room to the living room, to the kitchen, then back to the living room, stopping en route to go to the bathroom; are those different places, or do they all constitute ‘my house’ and so are all the same? Frak you, TMI questions, you just make me think of more questions!
  39. Do you have a crush – former Chinese Prime Minister Zhou Enlai; his more conciliatory stance towards, and desire to negotiate with, the US in the early 1970s turn me on.
  40. Last time you kissed someone – A female frog, but they don’t turn into princesses if men kiss them. Sexist amphibian bastards.
  41. Last time you were insulted – By myself at the start of this post (you’re a wanker). Scratch that, right now.
  42. Favourite flavour of sweet – Non-laxative; all the diabetic sweets in the world use nuclear-powered laxatives as sugar substitutes, and it really pisses me off.
  43. What instruments do you play – I’m almost competent at bass and piano, but I’ve not played the former in two years, and the latter three.
  44. Favourite piece of jewellery – On me, nothing, because I have no such frivolities. On others, I’d have to say the Cylon gun-hand; they go so well with that single eye, dahling.
  45. Last sport you played – Football this week, and I failed to run yesterday because I was writing an essay. Isn’t this interesting!
  46. Last song you sang – Probably something with the word ‘motherf*cker’ in it, maybe Bloodhound Gang’s Fire Water Burn, or The Offspring’s Slim Pickens Does The Right Thing And Rides The Bomb To Hell.
  47. Favourite chat-up line – Geographical ones.
  48. Have you ever used it – Yup. Bitches love Geography.
  49. Last time you hung out with anyone – I’ve never been hung; funny that.
  50. Who should answer these questions next – Alessandro Ferrero La Marmora of Piedmont. I hear he’s on Blogspot.

Frak me, that took a while.

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