(the sequel no-one’s been waiting for!)
– Baby, you can whirl my hygrometer all night.
– Are you the Basque separatist Eta movement, and am I a 27-year-old Spanish Local Councillor, because you’ve kidnapped my heart.
– I treat my partners how I treat my air temperature studies: with probing three times a day and lots of moaning.
– How do you know I’m attracted to you? My Geographical Compass rose.
– Let’s make like the Millennium Development Goals and have eight climaxes by next year.
– Are you a young family living on the rural-urban fringe, and am I the city centre where the parents work, because you can commute back into me every day.
– Babe, you’re just like the Trafford Centre in Manchester: there are a thousand free spots to get into you from.
– I’ve had eyes on you for longer than Israeli has monitored the Gaza Strip.
– Did you fall from Heaven, because there’s low surface pressure, creating a pressure gradient in which air is drawn towards the surface of the Earth.
– You’re more beautiful than Newington Green after it had been gentrified.
– When we’re in bed, you’re more active than the Kurdish Workers Party when they killed 30,000 villagers.
– I’ve got a stronger hold on you than the London Development Agency on land in Stratford, after they used compulsory purchase orders to buy up 83% of the area.
– You’re more attractive than brownfield sites are to urban developers.
– My love for you is genuine; it has a 99.9% statistical significance!
– I need you more than St Lucia needs its banana exports.
I’m not even going to apologise for the quality of some of these. I’ve had a long weekend.