YouTube Is A Pretentious Bastard

(the illegitimate child of Napster and Newgrounds?)

Notice that title refers to ‘YouTube’ itself, not the people who run it, or the YouTubers who upload to it (those guys will probably get their own, much longer and much more offensive, posts later); this are the ways I’ve noticed the site being a bit of a bastard, and they’re pretty annoying.

Firstly, the video player itself has been turned into a prick; if you hover your mouse over the icons to change the video player from a small size, to a large one, you are greeted with ‘default’ mode for the smaller option, and the barbaric ‘theatre’ mode for the larger one. Although content on YouTube is now so high quality that the video files have more Ps than an industrial-sized greenhouse with a particularly large quantity of pod-based spherical vegetables, this doesn’t make it a ‘theatre’; theatres often have screens that are 9m by 21m, and so calling a video player that can fit on a laptop screen by the same name seems a bit out of place.

Also, how the Hell is the small player the ‘default’ one? I don’t know about you, but I never watch YouTube videos in default mode, as the quality of video is pretty good, and I want to see it on a larger scale; my mac is five years old for God’s sake, so imagine how many people now have computers with screens large enough to render ‘default’ mode minuscule and insect-like in its size, compared to the great expanses of white background flanking the video.

And remember when Our Lord And Master Google replaced the ‘videos’ search tab with a ‘YouTube’ search tab? That suggests YouTube is the only place on the Internet to see videos which, despite the wishes of Our Lord And Master Google, that’s certainly not true, what with sites like Livestream and Twitch still carrying the torch for people that don’t like YouTube.

It could also be argued that the simplified rating system – of a thumbs up or a thumbs down – is demeaning for an audience, as that means we plebs can have one of two responses to online video – ‘I generically ‘like’ this’, or ‘THAT WAS FAKE AND GAY HURR DURR’ – as opposed to the more complex, but still easy-to-use star rating system of the good ol’ days of 2009.

This makes it harder for the YouTubers themselves, as you end up with every frakking vlogger having a 99% ‘like’ percentage on all their videos, regardless of content, forcing them to use inaccurate and non-representative of quality view counts as indicators of quality, or to trawl through countless pages of weight loss, online employment and troll comments to find even the smallest morsel of constructive criticism or justified appreciation; but who cares about that, YouTubers are all shallow, pretty boys with fringes and tag videos who make a shed-load of money off wasting teenagers’ free time for Our Lord And Master Google, right?

And the worst part of all? I can’t even tell this to YouTube directly because I can’t leave comments as I refuse to have a Google+ account because I possess what is know to philosophers as ‘free will’; I’d only be drowned out by struggling let’s players and musicians plugging their inexplicalby popular collaborative ukelele playthrough of Slender, so who really cares?

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