(pro tip: don’t look on Google Earth)
My most popular post is the Geography Pickup Lines post (a fact you will probably contribute to by searching for that very post on my blog), with 1,013 views compared with the 467 of the FM lower league tips post, and the relatively minuscule We Love Routines post, with just 196 views; and so, the most frequent search terms leading to this blog involve ‘geography pickup lines’ in some way, with 95 referrals from terms like that alone. But, as I am about to demonstrate, there are much stranger ways to find the James Patrick Casey blog.
1) ‘finding the meaning of life’
There is just one example of this term, and I presume it refers to the Meaning Of Life post, in which I argued that the meaning of life was rooted in action; i.e. our lives have meaning if we have things to do in them. But I didn’t mention ‘finding’ in that title, and a Google search today reveals no mention of this blog within the first five pages of results, and probably for much longer, considering there are websites literally called truemeaningoflife.org (I got bored of looking).
Therefore, it would have taken a true zealot, a devotee to discovering the meaning of life if you will, to find this blog, meaning that it was not some armchair philosopher that read my post on the meaning of life, but a true expert. The lack of contact from Religious authorities, University scholars and political leaders as a result of this referral has led me to believe that my views were either laughably silly, or objectively incorrect to the point of being uncorrectable, which is a bit of a bummer when you think about it.
2) ‘facebook status ideas like’
There are three searches for terms like this, which can only mean that the sort of image-driven, shallow bastards I despise, both in real life and on this blog, have come crawling to me in search of socially-amusing wisdom, and a mere piece of the intellect and comedy my mind is capable of fitting into a two-line Facebook status, like famished peasants with an impractical understanding of the word ‘charity’ kneeling before a nobleman, asking for bread.
Alternatively, some lonely sod was looking to make friends on Facebook, and needed a decent ice-breaker, which I provided and have now mocked; I won’t ask for an invitation to your wedding with your sweetheart that you met on Facebook as a result of my post, so I’d say we’re even.
3) ‘lex croucher boyfriend’
I don’t think I’ve ever tagged a post ‘boyfriend’, and I only comment on YouTubers and content creators to contribute to their discussions and show my adoration, not spurn idle gossip and meaningless chit-chat about the romantic lives of people we pretend to know but are nothing more to us than pixels on a screen, and so have an equally meaningful relationship as the one you lucked into with Ria in Skyrim.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to Google ‘Charlie McDonnell girlfriend’ for the next seventeen consecutive hours. Again.
4) ‘swimming turtle metaphor’
Life is like a swimming turtle; it all seems to be going well, and progressing naturally, then you get harpooned in the testicles, dragged ashore, clubbed to death with bits of wood with nails poking on them that traumatically remind you of Johnny’s friend Plank from Ed, Edd, ‘n Eddy, and your skin is sold on the Indonesian black market.
5) ‘james patrick shameless’
Screw you guys.