The Lawnmower Of Doom

(yup, from a piece entitled Art Versus The Artist yesterday to one about the hyperbolised inconvenience of a lawnmower placed near my house; welcome to the James Patrick Casey blog, everyone)

Outside the front of my house there is a driveway, where cars belonging to the owner of that house can park their cars without interruption or obstruction; half of our driveway is used by the woman who lives in the flat above us, while the other half is reserved for us ground-floor dwellers. In the picture below, the right-hand side of the driveway is blocked by a car associated with the woman living above us (perhaps a visiting family member), while the left-hand side, that covers most of the picture, is our spot; so why in the Hell is there a lawnmower parked across it?


I’m not particularly angry about the presence of the lawnmower blocking our precious precious driveway (there are other spots on the street to park), but I’m more confused by the strangeness of it; the front of our house is typical of other houses in the street, in that there are many driveways and almost no gardens, and anything ‘aesthetic’ stuck outside the front of these houses normally consists of overgrown bushes and pebbles that people will try and convince you are ‘cool’ and ‘unconventional’, but really it’s a clever ploy to build a garden feature that’s cheaper in the long-term than hiring a gardener.

So there’s not much need for a lawnmower on my street; what’s also confusing is the leaf-blower left alongside the mower, which I saw be put there by one of those blokes that cuts all the trees in your street once every few years. So the lawnmower must be part of this cutter’s arsenal, which begs two questions: was he intending to use the lawnmower on the tree somehow (probably not), and so why does he have it with him, if his job is cutting trees, as opposed to moving lawns?

As ever (on this blog), the least conventional answers are the most plausible: perhaps the lawnmower is a surveillance tool, and when used in tandem with the leaf-blower it can send and receive radio waves along the mast hidden inside the blower’s cylinder; maybe its the cutter’s main mode of transportation, and they consider it to be a car, which explains why it’s been left suspiciously between two other cars; it could even be a bomb on wheels, as that box on top is a disturbing red colour, and everyone knows that red equals danger.

But I could just be bitter about GAME not stocking any copies of Madden NFL 15, despite it being released, due to a perceived lack of interest, so now I’ave had to order it from Tesco and wait for a week for a delivery.

As a side note, the camera on the iPhone 5c is rather good – I took the lawnmower photo with it!


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