I’m Considering Voting UKIP

(this is a political blog now?)

I don’t like talking about ‘important’ topics, or at least topics where people have strong opinions, because they naturally lead to disagreements, and are more likely to lead to outright arguments, rather than the considerate debates and discussions that I would rather we engage in. However, I’m now going to talk briefly about politics, so apologies if the comments section devolves into a slanging match, or if I end up beheaded with my corpse floating down the Thames by my friends, many of whom are in the UCL Marxist or Socialist societies, and so probably won’t take too kindly to my possible support for a party which has been the subject of an unusually aggressive Guardian article.

However, in the interests of pre-decapitation free speech, I’d like to explain my stance in four simple words: for shits and giggles.

I hate politics. I hate politicians. I hate people who enjoy or engage with politics. The whole bloody system makes me angry and want to break things like an anarchist Hulk. I know that having power structures is kinda necessary in society – without the NHS I would either be dead or bankrupt by this point – but the way we’ve done it reeks of missed potential; as a species of individuals, we’ve invented poetry, iPads, flushable toilets and flavoured condoms, but as a series of political institutions, we’ve not been able to get all these inventions to people, for instance – humans are better at being individual than being a society.

But I’m not considering voting Ukip because I want to oppose mainstream parties, or even because I like their policies (for the record I think I disagree with everything a Ukip member has ever said), but simply because their rise to prominence, with all the ‘Bongo-Bongo Land’ references, dismissals of women as ‘sluts’, and blaming of gay people for bad weather, has been one of the most entertaining things I’ve skimmed on the Guardian front page in ages, and I’d quite like more of it please.

In the past, I’d totally dismissed politics. I assumed I’d vote for Labour, as the generically more left-wing of the two main parties, and I’d consider myself pretty liberal; but I can’t name any of their policies, any aspect of their ideology, any part of their history, or even namecheck any of their members beyond those that pop up on Mock The Week. Without Ukip, I’d be voting for Labour for no reason, but at least I have a reason for crossing the Ukip box next year, even if that reason is rooted in selfish desire and a corruption of a human right not present in most countries into a vehicle for cheap laughs and some purple-and-yellow striped ties.

Because we can’t say that your reason for voting is any more valid than mine. I draw the line at corruption – people voting based on the opinions of others – but if both you and me are voting for the party we want, you can’t say whose decision is the ‘right’ one: I’m voting for the LOLs, you’re probably voting for some infantile ideal that you, a blob of partial consciousness in a sea of equally self-important losers, can actually make a difference in this morality-forsaken world. Well you and I probably can’t, so we might as well have a laugh while five thousand years of civilisation falls into oblivion.

Honestly, my biggest political question right now is this: do I go for this new Ukip crowd, or the more traditional democracy-mockery of the classic Official Monster Raving Loony Party?

But it’s equally likely I’ll forget to vote because I’ll be watching pain dry or peeling grapes or something; important, real-world things like that.


3 thoughts on “I’m Considering Voting UKIP

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