(does this count as a poem? I think it counts as a poem)
‘Twas the night before NaNo, when all over the lands
Not a teenager was writing, or even old hands.
The Word docs were opened, all character sheets filled,
Even the annoying side character’s, who we all knew would be killed.
The writers were nestled on WordPress and Tumblr,
With Kristina’s NaNoWriMo song on the Last.fm Scrobbler.
And my mate finishing their novel, and mine fresh from my mind,
We readied our brains for the upcoming grind.
When deep in my mind a lightbulb flicked on,
And I sat bolt upright ‘fore the idea could be gone.
Away to my notebook I scurried with ink,
Tore open the cover, and before I could think
I’d invented a character, and this newly-formed fellow
Gave my novel a love-triangle, and was sombre and mellow.
When, what to my procrastinating eyes should appear,
But another novel’s summary, and a snazzy character.
With the same quiet demeanour, so subtle, so cool,
I knew in a moment my guy was some knocked-off tool.
More rapid than Blessed my own curses came,
And I whistled, and shouted, and called that author by name!
“Screw you, JKRowlingOnFloorLaughing!
Screw you and your novel, Rivals I’m Passing!
Fling yourself from the porch! From the top of the wall!
And take your stupid character with you to the fall!”
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So out of my windows my plans and books flew,
With my USB of rough drafts, nearly my MacBook too.
And then, in an email, that arrived with a ding,
More news to disallow my muse to sing.
I drew my head into my hands, and was headdesking away,
My tutor told me to redo an essay, due in 30 days.
The mail was dressed up in compliments, with a tone that did ask,
But its voice was tarnished with this “voluntary” task.
A bundle of further reading it had flung as attachments,
And I looked like a philistine, not understanding this harassment.
But my eyes – how they twinkled! My smile how sardonic!
My teeth bared like a vampire, my fingers like icepicks!
My tight little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the teenage “beard” of my chin was cold as the snow.
The remains of my chewing gum I stuck in my teeth,
The scent of berry enveloped me to my feet.
I had a big screen, enough for two sheets of paper,
So I put essay alongside novel, and started the former!
I’ll get chubby and plump, and be an illiterate wreck,
I won’t shower in days, then wonder why I won’t get much sex.
But with a crack of the knuckles and a crick in my neck,
I know I can do this, there’s nothing to dread!
And as midnight approached, and I stopped my work,
Half the essay was done, still October 31st!
And laying a pillow underneath my head,
And setting an alarm, I’m happily going to bed.
Tomorrow I’ll spring from my duvet, to my friends give a tweet,
And together we’ll write, whether busy or feeling shit.
Even if our characters suck, and our plots aren’t very fun,
We’ll be novelists come December, when NaNo will be won.