Introducing The YAB Awards!

(God, I wish the acronym for that was less ridiculous)

Fans of unnecessary cynicism rejoice, I’m starting an annual project billed as an awards ceremony but is really little more than an ego-stroking fest in which I berate things that are ever-so-slightly imperfect, under the pretence of a competition! Hooray!

I’ve had a category of posts on this blog for almost a year now called ‘Annual Awards’, and there’s one post in it, which rather makes a mockery of the plural ‘Awards‘; so to fix this, I’ve come up with the James Patrick Casey ‘You Are A Bastard’ Awards, for services to quickening the inevitable demise of humanity, with the ‘YAB’ coming from the ‘You Are A Bastard’ bit.

Essentially, this will be me, perhaps in one post, and perhaps over a three-day period of anger, ripping into things that have irked, troubled and jimmy-rustled me over the last twelve months; but there aren’t really categories for these awards, and the only criteria are the inconsistent and contradictory ones I’ll make up, probably on the spot, to determine which act of idiocy reigns number one on my list; basically, I’m picking the winners, and there’ll be no rhyme or reason to it, so don’t call me out on that later – if I want to suggest that a TV advert is more of an inconvenience than something like the threat of Islamic State (ISIS), I’m going to, and if you don’t like it, follow an award ceremony that isn’t named after the prat who’s running it.

However, while the decision of what is the most bastardly act will be down to me, I am but one person who has made the exciting journey from a northern bit of London to a slightly less northern bit of London all year, and so have likely missed out on thousands of instances of people being pricks all year round; I’m asking you, whether you’re a WordPress blogger, a Facebook clicker, or a random internet traveller without any of these fanciful social accounts who just likes a bit of moaning, get in touch with me about anything annoying enough to warrant a spot on the final list. And for the sake of inconvinience, I won’t tell you how long the list will be, or what’s already on it, so you’ll have no context within which to give me suggestions – but take this in a good way, as I’m doing it to encourage you to let me know what’s irking you, big, small or completely irrelevant, so we can all, at the very least, have a moan alongside each other. And isn’t that the true reason for competition? To arbitrarily divide people and things from each other, so we can get pissed off at the final rankings.

So hit me up in comments, or on Facebook, or via email – – and carrier pigeon – North London Rookery, 185 Blackmoor Gardens, NW1 9QT – if you’re into those archaic forms of communication, and we can all have a bitch about this at the end of the year!

And if no-one gets back to me, literally all my friends and WordPress followers are going on that frakking list 🙂


30 thoughts on “Introducing The YAB Awards!

  1. Typically, I’d say the weather. Or how 70% of my teas have been so disappointing that I’ve had to switch to coffee. (Self-centred, yes, self-centred.)
    Pigeons keep running (pigeons run?) away from me – JEEZ JUST TRYING TO BE SOCIAL OVER HERE.


    1. Saw a pigeon get bullied by a dove a few weeks ago so now the whole species is definitely getting an award. Less sure about the weather – still no snow this year so its behaving itself so far.

      And of course its named after me! Everything I seem to write is, because I’m so original with naming stuff.

          1. But every single outdoor sport has to get called off -_- and I’m all “I made the effort to bring my kit. THAT NEVER HAPPENS.”

            1. Yup. It’s school. One drop and it’s all “HEALTH AND SAFETY SHIFT, PEOPLE, SHIFT INSIDE.”
              But with the club I play at out of school….we’ve played in thunder. And nobody slipped! But half the time I couldn’t see where the ball actually was.

            2. Netball
              I’m keeper though, so I can slack off a lot provided the ball’s on the other side (wait, so does this mean I encourage the opposition to win?! *gasp*), because I can only move in one third of the court.

            3. Netball always annoyed me the few times I played it – kinda wanted to move more than they let me.

              I played in goal for football for years and was always caught between wishing we played well (but I didn’t have to do anything) and wanting to be involved, which meant we would be getting hammered :/

            4. XD
              I’d say that goal keepers in sports….like, we should get a little more “YAY” because either we’re getting called up for contact or missing the goal and everyone’s all “could’ve saved that” and you’re all “nah, mate, YOU should’ve stopped it getting down here” but anyway. The point is: we’re brill.

            5. Ohhhhhh I see.
              I’m too lazy to try and experiment with other positions. So what do you play now?

              Also, random side note here – not sure if you’ve specified this anywhere else or I might’ve asked before, either way I’m sorry I can’t remember – but which team do you support?

            6. Essentially everywhere. I run around. A lot. Actual technical ability is secondary to running about a bit – I only played in goal because my knees were frakked for a few years.

              And supposedly Tottenham, but I’ve hardly followed actual football this season – I know we’re sucking though!

            7. How’re your knees now?
              And o.O spurs… my brother.
              Okay. Well. *roots for Man U* they’re playing Liverpool today! 😀
              Oh GRAH I’m not even going to be home.

            8. I’m being social today (i.e. shock horror, I’m getting out of the house. Going to a friend’s).

            9. I know right *ties hair in bun* when my hair’s in a bun, I mean business. (It’s a rarity.)

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