I’ve been a Coke guy for years, using a combination of regular Coke to treat low blood sugars, and Diet Coke to get through marathoned Geography projects and English essays since about year ten. I even bought into the Coke Zero branding – a product that only exists because the colour grey is apparently too feminine to appeal to all men on the planet, so a new, black-backgrounded, Wayne Rooney-endorsed can was needed – and dabbled in Cherry Coke and Vanilla Coke whenever they were available in the local Londis at a reasonable price.
But then today I bought two Diet Pepsis, and genuinely enjoyed drinking them, instead of using them as a means to an end of getting a caffeine rush (incidentally this is why I don’t drink – I don’t care if the purpose of drinking is to get a bit drunk, when it comes to food and drink if I don’t enjoy the initial taste of the thing in question, I don’t see much point in consuming it; alcohol tastes like piss, so I’m not gonna drink it), which makes me question – have I joined the Dark Side of soft drinks?
Now, ‘Dark Side’ is a loaded term, and most of you will suggest that Coke, with its larger company and probably lucrative McDonald’s support, is the Dark Side of the ‘rotting your teeth with a sweet black liquid’ industry, and you’re probably right; poor little Pepsi, having to make do with smaller Cinema endorsements, like Odeon, or relatively minor fast food places like Burger King and KFC, the combined might of which gets nowhere close to the fearsome market influence of McDonald’s.
But I like to imagine myself as one of the good guys when it comes to important life decisions like soft drink choice, placing anything I don’t associate with on the Dark Side. This is obviously a pretty harmful worldview if misplaced, which is why I only use it with reference to key things like fizzy drinks, and choice of computers (Mac = Rebel Alliance); sadly the rest of life is more complicated than a Star Wars analogy.
Within that analogy though, I’ve begun to question my place on the Light – Dark Side scale; if everything I agree with is on the good side, does that mean a switch from Coke to Pepsi makes them switch places on the scale, that now Coke is bad and Pepsi good, or does that mean that only I, as an individual, have moved, and the large corporations stay in place, meaning I have moved to the Dark Side, where Pepsi currently, and always will in my model, resides?
I’m going to go with the latter; I understand that this stupid analogy is entirely of my own creation, so surely I can make all the rules that go with it, but I like to think I’ve created a pointless system with rules, such as the idea that it’s easier for a single person to move from one side to the other than it is for two international corporations to not only move, but move simultaneously, conveniently switching places for the benefit of that individual, who’s basically inconsequential in his own constructed system at this point.
So I’m taking logic over me; I’ve joined the Dark Side, and I drink Pepsi.
Come at me bro.