Addicted To Toast


I’m not very good at cooking; I quite enjoy it, but I can only really make stir-fries, which require a crap-ton of chopping, and the rice or noodles in the base to be both boiled then fried, which tastes great but does seem like a bit of unnecessary double-cookery madness to me. But the one thing we do have here, that I am comfortable using, is the toaster.

And not to get all depressing-backstory on you, but I’ve never had a toaster before; back at home, we grill bread to toast it, like peasants pulling a plough themselves because they haven’t discovered how to use an ox, or hipsters who declare that actually grilling it makes it taste better and has health benefits, so…

This meant that toast, while not impossible to make, was a bit more of an ordeal than should be expected for something that’s basically a warm sandwich without filling – when to flip it, whether it should be rotated and flipped or just flipped, when to apply the butter etc. – so I nene really got into toast. But now, armed with a toaster and some low-fat butter that’s surprisingly spreadable, helpfully covering up my inability to spread butter on bread which is a genuine problem I face in my life, I can enjoy slightly warm, crispy bread. And it’s wonderful!

It’s so quick and easy to make with a toaster! And it tastes great, having the soft inside, crispy outside quality of fries but without the salted, bastardised version of a spud involved! And it gets me to eat butter, a dairy product, which goes a long way to getting over my vitamin D deficiency I’ve built up over the years from not consuming any dairy products.

There’s also the versatility thing, that it can be applied to a series of spreadable substances – jam, marmalade, etc. – that I haven’t even started to get into, which will probably blow my mind given my reaction to plain toast. Honestly, I’m not exaggerating when I say I’d eaten nothing but buttered toast for the first five days of term, only breaking it up last night with a stir-fry.

I kinda feel like Ed from Ed, Edd ‘n Eddy at this point.


3 thoughts on “Addicted To Toast

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