(sadly, this does not include lobsters as part of the prize)
Ring the bells! Sound the trumpets! Declare a national holiday for anyone who thinks I’m more than an annoying twat! I’ve won an award based exclusively off subjective determinants of what makes a ‘good’ blog, which of course means that this blog has now completed its mission of being little more than an ego-trip disguised as writing practice and, having tricked another human being into complimenting me, will be closed down with immediate effect, and this post printed and stuck to my wall as an eternal reminder of just how awesome I am. That’s how this works, right?
Fortunately not; this ‘award’, or glorified chain letter, is a way of bloggers appreciating and publicising each other, not feeding our egos; and with that in mind, I will happily and gratefully comply with the rules of this award, that involve thanking my nominator, nominating up to eleven other bloggers, posing up to eleven questions to them, answering the questions posed to me by my nominator, then providing eleven facts about myself. This could all be explained much easier with a list or a diagram, but whatever, I wrote it in prose. Deal with it.
Many thanks to The Adventures Of Beka for the nomination (specifically the ‘Beka’ part – I’m not sure how involved her ‘adventures’ were in this decision), a blogger writing about living, and indeed adventuring, in Colombia, having moved there from the US to study, and manages to be a bloody nice person in the process.
– Where are you dreaming of travelling to now? – Finland, so I can live in a small hut by myself in the frozen north of the country, write novels and stream NFL games illegally in peace.
– What food means ‘home’ to you? – Probably a KFC Pulled Chicken Ultimate Burger, which is a bit of a shitter considering I took up vegetarianism this January.
– What is your life motto? – ‘If they don’t like you, fuck ’em’
– Cold or hot weather? – Cold. Definitely cold. My favourite time of the year is October-November time, partly because of the dark, damp and generally depressing weather, that everyone else gets all antsy about for some reason.
– My Open Letters To, a blog consisting, perhaps surprisingly, of open letters to celebrities, bloggers and fictional individuals that’s written with the sort of poise and wit that I imagine I write with, but then I look at this blog and see phrases like ‘frak-nugget’ and have to go lie down and cry for long periods of time.
– Amy Listens To Songs, the second in my list of nominated blogs with descriptive names of unusual literal accuracy, this blog consists of song reviews, and is written in the kind of cutting, comedic style that I try to write in when I review gigs, but hers is, like, better.
– Deep Blues And Seafoam Greens, one of those blogs about life updates, ideas, and a worryingly diverse array of unfounded insecurities, that’s written with a kind of light-hearted, upbeat stream-of-consciousness sense to it; people have said that my blog reads like a train of thought, so maybe DBSFG is a less self-loathing version of this.
– 18 Years Young (or Why Hello There. I’m not too sure), a blog about a young woman currently studying abroad in Italy because why not, that I’ve honestly not read as regularly as I perhaps should given its intelligence and how entertaining it is.
– Lynette Noni, the first blog to be nominated that shares a name with its blogger, and follows the exploits (currently of the ‘OMG I’ve just published a novel yay!’ variety) of the titular writer; posts vary between updates on her writing, and advice on writing itself, which I find very useful.
– Flibbertigibbet News, an incredibly funny satirical blog, featuring false news stories so ridiculous they might just be plausible, and so precise they’re funny even for a casual political observer like myself. There are also caption competitions, which are a laugh.
Now, you’ll notice I’ve nominated a range of blog types there, from life-update style blogs like this one, to more structured ones, where there isn’t a self-aware narrator, and the entertainment comes from making jokes and humorous contrasts within that structure. I will now disregard such a difference entirely, write some questions that would require such a structure to be defiled to answer them, then wait patiently for the responses to roll in, and if anyone can’t answer these because of that, I’ll be totally upset and go cry somewhere for a while. Then find out where they live and burn their house down.
1) What will be your goal in the apocalypse? Once survival has been secured, with things like food, water and shelter in abundance, where will you find your purpose in a world devoid of the society you’ve lived in all your life?
2) Headphones or earphones?
3) Which is the worse feeling, regret or embarrassment?
4) Can you speak any other languages, living or dead?
5) Do you agree that British alternative rock band Dead! sound like My Chemical Romance, circa 2006?
6) Why don’t you have one of those?
7) Flat-pack or pre-built furniture?
8) If you had a clone, identical in body and mind except subservient to your every wish, what would you do with it?
9) Why did you start blogging?
10) What is your favourite colour of pen to write with?
11) Do you think eleven questions is too many?
1) I fluctuate between thinking I’m asexual and bisexual on an almost hourly basis; in practice, this means I can walk down a street completely happily one minute, then suddenly want to ask out everyone and everything I come across. It’s very inconvenient.
2) My limit is 500g of cake in one go. Any more than that and I’ll throw up.
3) I broke a glass of mine the other day, but only the top bits, so it resembles a mountain range. I honestly think it’s a better drinking vessel as a result.
4) I’ve never played Mass Effect 1 (but ME2 is better than The Last Of Us and I’ll fight you over this).
5) I’ve not written anything outside of this blog for like two weeks now; I need to get back on with that.
6) A large part of my decision to be a vegetarian was motivated by the fact that I kinda want to be Tim McIlrath.
7) I prefer hyphens to spheres as styles of bullet points.
8) I love Eminem’s political stuff; Mosh is a beautiful song.
9) It was only after I failed to get into bars because I didn’t have ID three times for me to remember to carry my passport around with me.
10) Sometimes I bring up a topic of conversation with someone, only for them to say ‘I already read about it on your blog’, then I get this weird mixture of gratitude for them reading it, then annoyance that my, obviously brilliant, topic can’t be talked about.
11) I think I’d be a better rapper than singer if I put time and effort into both disciplines; but I won’t be trying either any time soon.