(you’re gonna have a bad time…)
Having eaten nothing but toast and cereal for the last month, I decided to check out the other foods I had stuffed away on the top shelf of my cupboard, intending to make a stir-fry out of the mushrooms, peppers, and whatever else I have leftover from my last big shopping trip. I then opened the cupboard, and almost drowned in a rancid waterfall of rotten mushrooms, the leaking insides of peppers, and squishy bits of an aubergine, that were cascading down from their place atop my store of food, drenching everything in their bile, and making me, the cupboard, and the wider kitchen, completely disgusting.
Having cleaned everything up, and throwing away literally all my food because it was all ruined, I can offer you this simple piece of culinary and preservatory advice: don’t put your vegetables on the top shelf. Please.
I know this is probably obvious to a lot of you reading this, who are either older and more experienced in living alone than I am, or you’re simply more intelligent, but this is one of those things that I didn’t really make a mistake on, but something I wasn’t even aware of the existence of – like, food goes off now?
Even though I’m six months into this ‘living in halls’ malarkey, I’m still learning new things, hopefully not because I’m a blithering idiot, but because it’ll presumably take much longer than this to get used to this kind of living, after eighteen years spent leeching off my parents like a fly trying to buzz off out of the window, but that keeps failing and hits their head on the window, for about eighteen years. Life is a learning experience, and I’ll keep on learning as long as I live.
But don’t let this discourage you from living with me next year if that’s what you planned; I promise I’ve learned from this mistake.