I Chew On Glowsticks

(mmm, life-threatening)

I like to think that I don’t have any obviously harmful habits, like smoking, drinking or picking fights with nightclub bouncers (obsessively playing the new Sims game is entirely harmless); but one habit I have picked up recently is that I chew on glowsticks. Yes, the neon strips of (presumably poisonous) light encased in a thin coating of plastic, that you get at clubs and such places. And I chew on their ends like toothpicks.

I know that this is perhaps more likely to kill me, and do it faster, than any combination of narcotics I could pick to tear my body apart, but I don’t really care: I enjoy chewing on them, and if I am going to be killed it’ll happen relatively instantly, so it’s over and done with, rather than the gradual lung-shrinking, teeth-ruining, wallet-burning habit that is smoking cigarettes. I’m a busy person, so if I am going to die young, I owe it to myself to do it quickly.

I’ve also realised this habit is like a weird form of personal discipline; I have to chew the sticks hard enough to keep them in my mouth, but not so hard that I break through the protective plastic casting, and start swallowing the neon liquid inside – at best, this’ll ruin the pretty colours of the stick, which I quite like because I’m little more than a moth with a shit collection of patchy facial hair, and at worst I’ll die, so I’ll be little more than a dead moth, with the same awful attempt at a beard.

I’m also realising that often, these habits make no sense, and are hard to justify to other people; just as it’s easy to objectively point out the health and economic disadvantages to drinking, and the crippling social and academic drawbacks to playing Football Manager as much as I do, drinkers will keep on drinking, and I’ll keep dragging Chester up through the lower leagues behind our regen striker Paul Doran netting 16 goals in 8 games. The point of habits is that they’re a bit weird, and silly, and odd for people who don’t get them, while being totally understandable for people who do get them; this is why there are whole communities devoted to relatively small aspects of culture, be it a single TV show or web series, or the practical reality that drinkers feel so comfortable around other drinkers that it’s non-drinkers who are the different ones, that have to justify their life choices (out of curiosity, not dismissiveness, I hasten to add), even though sobriety isn’t as uncommon as it used to be.

And while this could appear exclusive to some, that you have to conform to certain habits to be accepted by people who engage with those habits, I like to think that humans are more complex than that, and that we’re able to interact with other peopleΒ as people, not as holders of three or four strong habits or opinions. This is why I get on really well with people who may drink or smoke, or people who think my FM obsession is, at best, tedious and, at worst, laughably pathetic, because there’s more to any of us than a single stance, or a single set of values.

This is also why I might be the only person chewing on a glowstick when we meet up, and I’m totally cool with it.


41 thoughts on “I Chew On Glowsticks

      1. I’m just…stunned. Are you sure this is the right habit to be, erm, pursuing? (I’m just concerned about your health.)

        Ahhhhh the same middle name thing. (Same here.)

            1. Haha not at all!
              Well. Funny story. For six weeks I was nameless. My name is Arabic meaning beautiful *cringe* and though ma famille did not name me after anyone in particular, there is this novel called Zuleika Dobson which some English teachers have..well I guess reminded me of? Yeah my Mum read the novel. Also, there was some pretty Egyptian princess called the name too but mehhhhhhhh my parents just liked it and the meaning.

              That was obnoxiously lengthy. To make it worse; I could’ve elaborated. But there’s the skeleton of it all.

            2. Well at least your name has a meaning you can try to replicate with your actions or outright reject – idk what ‘James’ means, but it’s probably boring and the name itself is pretty standard. But names are hard man, it takes more time for me to name my Sims than actually play with them :/

            3. Ha! But pronunciation is a right………-_- I infamously gave up in year one (who knows what I was calling myself until then) and settled for whatever people were able to say. I have loads of nicknames – even ‘Zac’ and ‘Boo’ it’s quite amusing to see how my name has evolved in different friendship circles too

              You look like a James πŸ™‚

            4. XD
              Right, CASEY.

              Keith? Hang on, in the picture are you on the left or the right πŸ˜›

            5. Well I’ve just woken up after four hours of sleep and can’t get back to bed because I’m apparently an insomniac! Also cricket? I’d comment on its dullness but I do enjoy watching pro cycling so I can’t really comment πŸ™‚

            6. Ah i see!
              Yup I’m watching the cricket. The fielding was atrocious. Wickets are just……OOOH A SIX

            7. Ah I think we’ve talked about grassy clothes from fielding if I rightly remember XD
              I used to hate cricket. I’m now into it because my family is crazy for the sport. God. The score is …..they’re never going to make like, 250 runs. Sorry. I know this is pointless to say but I’ve been eating fried chicken since 9 and I haven’t moved an inch. IM STRESSED

            8. …let’s not forget the infamous JPC toast, no? (I had a toast question which I can’t quite remember but when I do, I’ll let you know.)
              Doritos – which kind? I like them all but tangy cheese…OOOH yes.
              God. I had a cup of tea and some chocolate about fifteen minutes ago. I’ve eaten everything.

              Pakistan v West Indies. (They’re playing in Christchurch, NZ. The time change is insane. BUT I MUST WATCH.)
              Oh yeah. Pakistan are kinda losing :/

            9. I quite like the blue ones – Cool Original are they called? I quickly realised I’d missed a trick not getting any dipping sauce though – tbh it didn’t stop me eating all the things.

              Also I like the idea of JPC Toast – I could start a blog called Toast of JPC or something.

              I’d offer some kind words re. Pakistan losing, but the main appeal of watching sport is to be full of despair 99% of the time, but offer that little bit of half-hope to make t interesting – if it helps, it being hard to watch probably means you’re watching it right!

            10. Most of the time I manage to function without the sauce. Needless to say, it’s a much appreciated bonus.

              Make it a thing! A one off post! Something!


            11. You know, I might just do that!

              I’m also a big fan of Sainsburys own brand custard creams, Wotzits and Monster Munch, which is quite expensive and so is basically gourmet snack food as far as I’m concerned.

            12. Oh custard creams…we go back a long way. YAY WOTZITS. Never tried the other. *contemplates*

              *nods off*

              WHOS GONNA WIN AHHHH

            13. They’re picked onion flavour – very strong, and they’re feet-shaped so they’re really thick and have a great texture. It’s a bit of an acquired taste as far as crisps go, but it’s unlike any other crisp I’ve eaten.

            14. OOH GAME’S PICKING UP.
              INTERESTING.. πŸ˜€
              I don’t mind who wins, buuuut…I like a good game.

  1. Uh… If they’re toxic, I would stop. I mean, come on. At best you get rushed to the ER before you die a horrible death. Non-toxic ones will numb your mouth and cause nausea at worst, but not kill you. Hopefully. I advise chewing the non-toxic ones, assuming you want to live.

  2. Never heard of someone chewing on glowsticks, but there are lots of weird and wonderful habits out there. While every single nursey bit of me wants to tell you to stop, I very much doubt this will have any impact on what you choose to do, just keep with the self discipline! No trips to A&E because you’ve swallowed some toxic/non-toxic goo ’cause you chewed too hard!


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