Not Knowing Sucks

(and there’s a lot I don’t know!)

I’m currently sitting here, wondering if my pump has failed: if it fails, my blood sugar goes high, and if it has not failed, it remains normal. But my blood sugar isn’t so high that’s it’s an obvious pod fail, but is too low to make me think that’s it’s worked perfectly. And as I wait impatiently for enough time to pass that I can check to see if the pod has actually failed or not, I’m realising that tragedy’s a bitch, but not knowing things is just awful.

Human responses to things are just that – responses. And regardless of whether that response is positive or negative, it’s a response, an individual reaction to a thing that no person, faith or institution can take from you (even if they can take away your means of expressing that response, as in the ‘old white dude’ requirement to vote in Europe for most of its democratic history). You could argue that an internal response is, in fact, the most human and personal of all things we do.

And so it’s especially annoying that I’m not only dependent on a lump of plastic strapped to my arm to live, but that that lump, as decidedly not a part of me, is stopping me from receiving information, and forming a response to it. Because even the most heavily-automated systems need a human brain pulling the strings and adapting to change – see, response is a human thing – and currently my brain’s string-pulling abilities have been severely limited.

I’d write more but I’m not feeling great at the moment, as you can read, so I’ll leave it there before I become any more incoherent. See – at least I’m letting you know why this post sucks.

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