(I’d prefer a nightmare award but oh well)
I have been nominated by the good rambler over at JustTwentySomethingRambles for a Daydreamer Award, one of WordPress’s many thinly-veiled attempts at collaboration, cunningly disguised as a competition to give us all some hope that someone, somewhere, actually thinks we’re decent writers, even if publishers and the writing industry doesn’t give a shit about us. And in this spirit of Thursday morning cynicism, here are some copy-and-pasted rules, followed by a challenge that I will ruin for everyone involved by being a dick about it. Enjoy!
1) Thank the person who gave you the award.
2) Complete the challenge they set you.
3) Select a blog or blogs that you want to give the award to.
4) Tell them about it and set them a challenge.
1) Thank you. Boom, task completed!
2) My challenge is to describe my ideal first date; first, I will be taken to Loading Bar in Dalston, and we’ll both be thrown out for wearing inappropriate clothes – not necessarily trackies, a Cookie Monster onesie will work equally well – and go back to your place in a huff because obviously we can’t enjoy video and board games without conforming to an arbitrary dress code, and because my room is so uninhabitable that even I consider it to be unpleasant and the floor is currently covered with empty milk cartons I intend to recycle at some unspecified point in the future.
Then, we can either have an argument about alcohol if they offer me a drink in an affectionate manner, which will lead to great anger on both sides and very little resolution, or they will offer me a diet lemonade because they’re straight edge too, at which point I will compliment them on their Minor Threat tattoos, and immediately ask them to frak me.
By now it will be late evening and, exhausted either from long debates about drinking or awesome, sober sex that we’ll actually remember the following day, we can either play Smash Bros. long into the night, marathon YuGiOh Abridged (for maybe the eighth time in my life) or sneak into Regent’s Park and go hang out with the ducks in the polluted moonlight of a London evening, away from other people and their judgemental gazes, and token offerings of stale bread. The ducks will get us, don’t worry.
Finally, we can either sleep in the park itself, if they can’t be bothered to leave this cold, dark paradise, with merest affectionate company to replace all the trinkets and creature comforts of modern life that are obviously so much more important, or we can go back to theirs, and eat vegan ice cream straight out of the tub before going to bed. The next day, we’ll wake up at eerily similar times, appreciate each other’s existence as a decent, loving human being, and rewatch Game of Thrones on Netflix.
Romance – sorted.
3) My Open Letters To, Izzy Mehmet, Deep Blues And Seafoam Greens, and Blu Chicken Ninja; I’d give you reasons, but I’d rather you folks check out their blogs and engage with them in your own ways, rather than just read a few post, say ‘I see what James is getting at!’, then piss off.
4) Your challenge is a relatively open-ended one, so feel free to do what you want with this prompt – ‘Where are you going to hide the body?’
I look forward to a flood of appreciative, me-based blog posts; because isn’t that why we all blog?