The Doritos Scale

(as an aside, these posts won’t be published on the days they’re written because apparently rural Ireland doesn’t have 4G coverage. Who knew?)

There are many things I don’t understand in this world, from food to the attractiveness of alcohol, to particularly money. My relationship with such pieces of doubloons is the opposite of everyone’s I’ve met thus far: instead of lots of money being good because it offers a lot of spending power, I see a lot of money as a bad thing because you’re likely to spend it on useless things like Mars Bars and Sea Monkeys. As a result, I try to get rid of money as often and in as inconspicuously large quantities as possible.

I was thrown a bit, therefore, that Ireland uses the Euro instead of the Pound. I’d obviously known that Britain was the only European country with such a stick up its arse, but hadn’t realised how baffling it is to not be able to judge if I’m getting ripped off at any given point. So thank God for Doritoes; having seen one of those sharing-sized bags that everyone just eats by themselves on offer for three Euros, I think I’m a little more aware that €10,95 for an omlette wasn’t great considering its size, but that €3,50 for like a torso-full of onion rings is pretty good.

So thank you, diabetes-inducing snack food; it is only through you that I can fully appreciate other cultures.

Written Mon 30th March


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