I Can’t Sit Down

(this isn’t so much a first world problem as it as a basic motor function problem)

Lying in bed is fine. Reclining on a sofa can be doable. Standing on my own two feet is preferable to anything else. And sitting down is, quite literally, a pain in the arse. I don’t know if the problem is my physiology, or I have poor sitting technique (because apparently that’s a thing), but whenever I sit on a flat, horizontal surface, all my weight goes not to my buttocks, but my coccyx.

As you might be able to tell, this is pretty painful; a single, rigid piece of bone is supporting the majority of my body weight instead of my much larger, softer butt, and it’s screwing with me. I’ll stand at social functions, or lean awkwardly on counters in a manner one may describe as jaunty, but in reality it’s to get over my apparently weakening skeleton and my body’s inability to, you know, be a body. I’m also not sure how to find a solution, short of setting up a full-length mirror in my room, and analysing my sitting style in comparison to the WikiHow page’s model, which is totally pathetic; I’m sure I could find a ‘sitting expert’ on Craigslist or something, but I’m not sure who’d be the bigger loser out of a person claiming to be an expert in sitting down, or the person requiring said pseudo-expert for their own inability to be a functioning biped.

Or I just get one of those standing desks and get really nice calves from walking all day.

I’ll buy some shorts too.


7 thoughts on “I Can’t Sit Down

  1. Get the desk!! It sounds great, I think I need one.
    Seriously though, do you lean back when you sit? Have you tried cushions?
    And lying down isn’t so bad, is it? I can think of worse things.

    1. *looks unsatisfactorily at calves*
      *buys desk*

      And if anything I lean forwards, and cushions make it worse because I like having a hard, flat surface to sit on – I’ll basically solve one problem by creating another. And yes, I can just spend my life in the eternal form of suffering known as lying down. Truly a horrific existence :’)

      1. Ah :/ I don’t know what to suggest then. Maybe see a Dr to make sure you don’t have some underlying condition.
        Yeah, what a horrible way to live!

        1. I’ll end up like the people in Wall-E (if you’ve seen it – great film if you’ve not, especially the opening 10 mins).

          And I’d like to say I’ll check it out, but I forget about diabetic appointments so I’ll probably not do too well with additional ones :’)

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