Coconut Water Sucks

(if I were stuck on a desert island, I’d take my chances with the saltwater)

In my quest to become a Level Five vegan, and continue to add unnecessary restraint to my life, I’m starting to wean myself off produce, and cook vegan, rather than vegetarian, recipes. I’m quickly learning that the three buildings blocks of vegan cooking are butternut squash, a shit-load of lentils, and coconut products, like coconut milk and coconut oil. And I really like coconut milk!

So I thought I’d try coconut water today; I like coconut, and I like water, so this can’t go wrong, right? Yeah, no. It fulfilled that most difficult of criteria that only some rancid products can hit, that it was both tastelessly vile and totally unpleasant. There was maybe a hint of coconut, but that might just be me attributing the dire flavour to the picture on the carton based on sight alone, but the whole thing tasted of water-down coconut milk. In retrospect, this isn’t too surprising, but the great thing about coconut milk is how rich and simultaneously smooth and light it is, so you can consume your own body weight in it without feeling unwell, which is what happens when you eat chocolate, or Doritos.

But coconut water is robbed of that integral richness because it’s largely flavourless, and it’s about as expensive as a sandwich from the Co-op so it’s a waste of money, and it has carbs in it so I can’t drink it freely, but need to go through the blood test-insulin dosage faff whenever I drink any of the stuff.

All in all, the coconut water episode was a blight on an otherwise wonderfully productive day.


16 thoughts on “Coconut Water Sucks

  1. I.e stick with lentils. I’m the queen of lentils I kid you not. I’ve eaten – still do – loads of kinds. MIAM MIAM.

    I never thought that of all the things to give in to in terms of boasting, it’d be lentils.

  2. Whaaaaaat? I love coconut water for all the reasons you dislike it. Coconut milk is usually too rich for me and gives me a stomachache. Coconut water is that perfect post-run slightly flavored water drink.

    I do hate the brands that are owned by Coca-Cola/Pepsi though because they give me stomachaches and have a weird flavor.

    1. I guess it’s just personal preference then. But I know what you mean about slightly-flavoured water – I usually settle for diet sports drinks, which by some freak of science have no carbs yet are branded as giving you energy.

      1. If you just mostly don’t eat most animal products you are still doing a lot of good! Have you read Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer?

          1. Nope! It is more a philosophical discussion about what it really means to eat animals.. It’s the authors journey as he investigates the whole topic. He talks about what makes us different from animals, why we love our dogs but don’t (for the most part) give a stuff about farm animals, what suffering is and who can suffer, how much suffering is acceptable, other things like disease creation in factory farms and the way that food is a huge part of family and cultural traditions. He isn’t pushing vegetarianism, just laying out the facts. It has been the main reason it has been so easy for me to ‘mostly’ stick to a vegan diet.

            1. That sounds quite cool actually! I’m always a bigger fan of discussing ideas like this instead of just picking a side and sticking to it relentlessly. My main motivation is watching Rise Against’s Ready To Fall music video on a regular basis.

              And ‘mostly’ vegan?

            2. Well I went from full carnivore to ‘mostly’ vegan about 6 months ago and it has been surprisingly easy. The ‘mostly’ is because I am using up whatever I have left in the house and I haven’t made a decision about honey yet and I sometimes eat eggs from my friend’s little flock of chickens in their backyard. And because last week I had a crazy moment at a film screening I went to and literally stuffed about 20 maltesers into to my mouth at once. I also say ‘mostly’ vegan because I am still learning what things have animal products in them and what don’t so I make mistakes!

            3. Fair enough – I’m pretty relaxed about it at the moment. I plan to be stricter with it from June, but now I’m trying to ease myself off things like milk and chocolate. I made a clean break from meat, but it was much harder to do the same with dairy stuff, and I didn’t want to try and feel bad for failing.

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