(despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage)
I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it before, but I quite like exercise. Not just ‘sports’, the competitive, communal institutionalisation of exercise, but basic ‘exercise’ itself, the movement of one’s body. As well as the fourteen million sports I spend all my time doing instead of my degree or getting a job, I walk every day around Regent’s Park for about an hour; it’s not strenuous, and it’s not part of a secret plan to run away and join the British Olympic program for the 20k racewalk, it’s just because I like walking. It clears my head, lets me listen to the entire Rise Against discography in chronological order, and is a nice break from eight-hour Football Manager sessions.
But at the moment, I’m having to force myself not to exercise, including these walks. I have a flag football tournament in a week’s time, and my karate grading will be a few days after that, and I’ll have to be physically strong for both of these; at the moment, I can’t really walk without my legs aching and telling me to amputate my arms to cut down on the weight they have to carry. So as much as I’d like to be training for these things, my performance will probably be better if I recover, instead of training five times a week, which is both counter-intuitive for me, and intensely annoying.
This also extends to other kinds of exercise; I’m not going to clubs for the next week, simply because my legs literally won’t stand up to a few hours of dancing. The upshot of all this is that I feel I’m living in half measures: I’m not going out, I’m only going to see my friends for predrinks; I’m not having a full day of rest and exercise, I’m just sitting on my arse waiting for myself to feel better. And being brought back to lazy earth like this after a year of juggling three or four sports at once is a bit of a shock; even though it’s been a week since I finished my exams and so should be relaxing, and realistically wouldn’t be doing anything other than playing FM anyway, I still feel like I’m being unproductive. At least if I were being a lazy tit I’d have the potential to go for a walk or practice my kata, but this week has robbed me of even that potential, which is a very frustrating feeling.
Honestly, I’ve not exercised for four days now; God only knows how most English students can do this all the time.